I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
