Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
