What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize