True but thats because hes a fetus.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
