my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think my vagina is haunted
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
