The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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