Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Pooping to opera.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
