i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Two words: nipple clamps
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