Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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