hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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