i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
