Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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