i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
