she was so not down for the gang bang
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
