I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
