Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
