none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
