I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
