I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
