you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
