I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
zippers are such a cool invention
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
