do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
