if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize