I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
