these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
