i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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