i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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