I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
