Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
