Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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