dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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