I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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