I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
