I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
that is very illegal...i love you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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