Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
