oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
