i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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