Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize