He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
