I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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