So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
