His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
