He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize