R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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