Kiss
Puke
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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