One girl and one boy is just not enough.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
