and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
