Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
