You're my little dorito
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
