Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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