how can u be prego again
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
