Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
