and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
