I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
