I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
