sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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