I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
