I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
