So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
