look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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