we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
