dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so explain again why im purple
no
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
