absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
