ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
