Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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