put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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