I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
