I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
