OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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