is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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