you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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