Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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