im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
