I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
